Seeing the old faces brings back the old hatreds (or loves) and I fucking wish I was on a desktop so I could throw it across the room. I can’t break another phone.
I just…it sucks, ok? Yeah, I’m lucky and all having such a beautiful boy and wife and skill set, but it still fucking sucks late at night when I am sober and can’t sleep. My bones and muscles hurt from working every day and now my brain and heart are nothing but the same.
I wasted so much time before and it is a universal feeling, wishing for a time machine or just one more chance. If I had one more chance I would have punched her in the face, I would have been nicer to her and I would have told her to stay the fuck away from such a messy mess. Goddamn I am pissed and stewing and not even instagram helps tonight. Porn might get me to sleep but is it worth it? It will just piss me off that my wife has school early and I can’t be with her. This is where a lesser man would bash his thumbs down and leave a string of characters to express how he feels.
But you few who read this and actually fit it into whatever portion of your time you allow…you know how it goes. At least, you understand what it means when I say :
Fuck you. I would wish for a higher power if it meant that you would get yours, because there is no justice in this fucking world when someone like you has yet to, and probably never will, get what you deserve. I can only hope that he will wake up on some important day for you and says, “fuck this bullshit.”.
I can dream. Let’s hope that this night is one of the last ones. I prefer anything to feeling how I feel right in this moment.