May 29, 2012
'verse

My nightmares are getting worse and my lucidity is weakening. Because of this, I am spending a lot of focus and thought on concepts like morality and violence.

Before I had a wife and son I was (one can argue a person never changes) a liar and a drifter. I later turned into a liar and a fighter once the last of my bridges were ash…just a dick who could fake it.

Now I am someone who wants to lie and wants to break people like I used to but I can not. I have forever, and will forever, be waiting for the other shoe to drop.

(on Friday I leave for Washington and can’t help but worry. I say I am excited but I am angry above all else.)

May 20, 2012
Yeah, seriously, what the hell?

Yeah, seriously, what the hell?

(Source: caturday)

May 20, 2012
Hubris (2012)

(body)

I was born on evergreen needles
Wrapped in moss
Settled to sleep by the gray white sea
And left to lie as I saw fit
With or without a comfortable pillow

Or two.

I have spent many lifetimes
Perfecting Art
And am one of the best :

WritersPhotographersChefsFightersActorsLovers

Alive.
And I have pride.

To Be Known is all I know
And I know that I am Known.
I am so great
That I can say this all in a trite high school voice
And you will still call it :

May 18, 2012

May 4, 2012
SSDD

Seeing the old faces brings back the old hatreds (or loves) and I fucking wish I was on a desktop so I could throw it across the room. I can’t break another phone.

I just…it sucks, ok? Yeah, I’m lucky and all having such a beautiful boy and wife and skill set, but it still fucking sucks late at night when I am sober and can’t sleep. My bones and muscles hurt from working every day and now my brain and heart are nothing but the same.

I wasted so much time before and it is a universal feeling, wishing for a time machine or just one more chance. If I had one more chance I would have punched her in the face, I would have been nicer to her and I would have told her to stay the fuck away from such a messy mess. Goddamn I am pissed and stewing and not even instagram helps tonight. Porn might get me to sleep but is it worth it? It will just piss me off that my wife has school early and I can’t be with her. This is where a lesser man would bash his thumbs down and leave a string of characters to express how he feels.

But you few who read this and actually fit it into whatever portion of your time you allow…you know how it goes. At least, you understand what it means when I say :

Fuck you. I would wish for a higher power if it meant that you would get yours, because there is no justice in this fucking world when someone like you has yet to, and probably never will, get what you deserve. I can only hope that he will wake up on some important day for you and says, “fuck this bullshit.”.

I can dream. Let’s hope that this night is one of the last ones. I prefer anything to feeling how I feel right in this moment.

April 21, 2012
First thing I see when I open tumblr

First thing I see when I open tumblr

(Source: caturday)

April 20, 2012
All blood is red

All blood is red

(Source: yazzyshakur, via chrysanthemums4eyes)

April 9, 2012
High, right?

I haven’t written anything of merit in months, I feel I’ve lost my skill and power. Sentences here and there thrown out because that is all they are. I mean, I’ve written a novel and have hundreds of thousands of poems in some form of existence. A hundred years ago I’d be set but this new world works in different ways. Too busy to do what I do best, at least, better than you. Fuck it all. My head hurts and my bones have been aching since burning man : psyche. I am lost and writer’s block is worse than blue balls and embarrassment and pure total rage combined. All caps coming up : MY PISS HAS MORE POETRY THAN ANY AND ALL BEFORE (me) .

Am I a bad father or husband for doing what it takes to support my support? I feel bad for not seeing Alexander as much as I should and not kissing krista as much as I should…it hurts. I have always been waiting for the shoe to drop, my own sorta karma. Ramble rant.

(I am hibernating but don’t forget that I am still the best writer alive.)

March 18, 2012

O
Devourer
Swallow me whole
So that I may become
One
With you.

( if you know Love, you know what it means when I say: )

March 17, 2012
Greedy men

Yeah, I know. And I will never be known. It is too easy, too simple and not my style. Lazy, bored but mostly just so tired and so stubborn. I think I am done with this human network, but I always come back for more. Just know that you knew me, the best writer alive. Just know that you are lacking but that I have always been jealous and will never say out loud because no one can beat me. I am the god of the 26. Ended, Alexander, Daniel, I am who I am. 27 has never felt so old.